I can distinctly recall the first time I left our oldest son for the first time while I traveled. I went away on a bachelorette trip, and he stayed home with Phil. Even that did not help the guilt, anxiety, and fear that came over me. Weeks leading up to it, I could feel myself becoming hesitant to going. Yet, at the same time I was excited to get away. Which then made me feel ALL the guilt! Does that mean I don’t enjoy motherhood as much as I thought? What if something happened to me? To them? What will I miss while I’m gone? All of these questions and doubt flooded my head. I went. And then booked an early flight home because my mental space could not handle it.
Flash forward, six years and now three kids later, SEE YA CHILDREN!
Why Travel Without Kids?
Phil and I have both done our fair share of traveling solo, with friends, or just one another and leaving the kids behind. Just as important as it is to travel with your kids and give them all the experiences life has to offer, it’s also important to connect and experience life with others- including just yourself!
Parenthood takes a toll on all of us. It’s the most demanding and rewarding job there is in life. Parenting duties add up, stress levels run high, and you lose yourself amongst it all. It’s so important to give yourself time to slow down and refuel. If you’re anything like us, you also feel like uninterrupted time together rarely exists. It’s also nice to catch up on much needed sleep, amirite?!
Building and Relying on Your Support System
Having a dependable and reliable support system is crucial. Nobody has to even say it, but I still will. Leaving your kids with people you trust beyond belief is a gift in itself. Being able to rely on that system of support makes those ick feelings 10x better while you’re away.
The first time away can be so freaking difficult on you. You feel a million and one emotions. I think the absolute best way in handling your first time away- and every time after that even– is communication. Communicate your mixed emotions with your support system. Ask to be kept in the loop, ask for photos, call as many times as you need to in order to feel comfortable being away. It’s okay to set that expectation and to ask for it. Slowly you’ll find that you will need less and less of that to feel comfortable going away.
Managing Guilt and Anxiety
I must say, everyone handles these feelings differently. But the best advice I could give you in managing your guilt and anxieties about leaving the kids behind is: just do it and do it early. The earlier you take the leap and get away for a weekend, the easier doing it again will become. And then again. And again. And in time that guilt will dissipate (now the anxiety- I’m not sure if that ever goes away for us Moms).
We always use an easy group text situation for everyone that will be involved in watching the kids while we’re away. It’s the easiest way to communicate who needs what, who has the kids, where they are, and what they are doing while we’re away. Now that the kids have gotten older, we also send them tons of photos of us on our trips- which they love!
Coming Home Refreshed
Truthfully, this is one of the main reasons I think parents should get away from time to time. Whether that be just the two of you, solo, together or separately with friends, it is so important! Parenting is emotionally, mentally, and at plenty of times (lack of sleep, carrying around a baby, cleaning up after everyone, never getting a moment to sit), physically taxing. Being able to get away from all of that and simply recharged truly brings you back with a full cup to pour from.
I find myself having top notch patience when I return, motivation and energy to keep up, and usually pretty well rested (which seems non-existent in the parenting world).
We usually bring home something small for the kids from wherever we visited- which is always exciting for them! And as for our support system, well we keep that easy and give them full reign of a credit card for the weekend. Buying their meals and paying for the kids’ entertainment is the absolute least we could do. A massive thank you is always owed, too.
Get Out of Your Own Way
Overall, Moms sometimes need to get out of their own heads. Our worries, anxieties, guilt, hold us back from doing so much. At the end of the day, as parents, we can only give as much as we have. And if we continue to empty and deplete the cups we pour from without refilling them, everyone is hurting. Get away. Keep your connection with your partner strong. Experience life with your friends. Or getaway to clear your own headspace. Regardless of your why, just do it.
How did you overcome traveling without your kids for the first time? Did you feel like it got easier the more you did it?
