Finding and Channeling Your Inner Confidence

I heard recently, and it sparked all of my interest, a take on confidence:

True self-confidence is not a feeling.

And I cannot help but agree. Sure, confidence is a feeling and a behavior at different times. You can feel confident at any given second or you can behave confidently in well-known environments. But that’s the thing. What about in unknown territories? What happens in the uncharted waters? What happens when you are forced into a new room, with new people, with new skills to present? Do you possess that same confidence?

True self-confidence is not a feeling.

Being confident doesn’t mean you have every answer or that you always know what to do. It’s feeling okay with the risk you are taking. It’s feeling comfortable in the unknown, willing to work through the messiest parts. It’s being certain about what you have to offer, your strengths, and your weaknesses and knowing these parts of you will not inhibit your abilities.

Tapping Into Your Confidence

I have heard time and time again that others wish they possessed my confidence. And the secret is, you can and you do. You know that old saying, “if you don’t use it, you lose it”? (Okay, maybe this isn’t the context that was made for, but it applies!) If you are never putting yourself in positions where you must:

• Try something new
• Answer a question you’ve never been asked
• Have a difficult conversation
• Do something you are afraid of
• Take a major risk

…then how do you ever expect to be confident?

Building Confidence

Confidence comes from a feeling of pride. When we actively take things on and accomplish them, we feel proud. As you damn well should! And in return, we boost our own self-confidence. Confidence is, us, repeatedly accomplishing something, which in turn provides us that inner “feel good” feeling. Some ways to help boost your inner, self-confidence:

• Focusing on areas you excel in. Do you cook really well? Are you a great runner? Do you enjoy writing and journaling? Find your strengths and weaknesses and own them. Focus on your strengths and do one small thing you are really good at every day.
  • I’m not a science gal. I was never going to go to school to be a doctor. And I would never try to. Would I be proud if I made it through a program? Sure. But I’d also feel extremely self-defeated, very quickly, on a daily basis trying to suffer through.
• Set attainable and reasonable goals. Do this daily. Pick 3 tasks that are top of your list to get accomplished during the day. No more than 3- you are setting yourself up for failure that way. Think about it this way, anything beyond the 3 are bonuses and you were extra productive that day.
  • Keep your list simple: fold the laundry, call the doctor, and read a book. You can focus on achieving those 3 tasks for the day and when they are completed you feel productive- an “I got this” mindset. In turn, you feel an sense of pride- which you guessed it, leads to greater self-confidence.
• Embrace new challenges. Step out of your comfort zone. Step out of the poor habits, routines, and patterns you have yourself stuck in. Try something new within your morning routine. Leave the job you’ve been wanting to. Have the difficult conversations. Embrace new challenges and believe in yourself.
• Positive self talk. I know this floats around so much, but it is very true. If you are telling yourself all day long that you are incapable, you don’t have the time, you can’t possibly do it- you’re right. Because the same is true in the reverse. Talking yourself up, telling yourself “you got this“, “I can do this“, all leads to greater outcomes.
  • I remember sitting down at a dinner with friends and Phil, we were all talking about one of my 89 business ideas over the years. And Phil said, “but what if it doesn’t work?” Myself and his friend (both very entrepreneurial beings) said, “you can’t say it won’t work. It’s going to work. Give it no other option but to work.” Of course, there’s the reality that things could most definitely go wrong in any business. But why would that IF stop me?

Self-Confidence is a Way of Being

Self-confidence takes practice. It takes multiple tries at risk-taking. It takes multiple attempts and doing something hard and out of your comfort zone. It’s something that builds over time, the more and more you exercise it. So today, do something to exercise yours!