Listen, let’s start off by being completely honest here. We ALL have moments where we silently judge one another’s parenting. We’d all be lying to ourselves if we say we haven’t. It’s just the nature of who we are- anything that is unfamiliar to us (another type of parenting style) creates curiosity, comparison, and judgement. But it’s in the moments after that split moment of judgement, the moment in your head where you remind yourself how none of us actually know what the fuck we’re doing here that bring us back out of judgement-ville.
Sure, not everyone is going to parent the same way. Not everyone’s children are going to behave the same way. Our own children need different styles of parenting. Hell- our first two were saints. It has been our third that has humbled us real quick. But what do you do when there’s judgement being thrown your way? When unsolicited advice is constantly being given? When you can feel all eyes on you and your child during a tough moment?
Yeah, been there. I’ve frozen up. I’ve been filled with anxiety. I’ve sweat from every pore on my body. I’ve felt annoyed by it. But I’ve also not given a damn about it. I’ve also ignored it plenty of times, more than I could ever count.
I’ll never forget the time we boarded the plane with our 9 month old baby to head to Hawaii. The family sitting right behind us, took one look at us, and the Mom stared down her husband and rolled her eyes as she motioned in our direction. Imagine that, another Mom annoyed that I brought my baby on the flight to sit in front of her children. Our son slept nearly the entire flight and when he woke, he nursed. I told you, a saint of a child. She complimented him after we landed and nearly ate her own initial reaction. (Do not be fooled- our third has spent an entire flight screaming and sticking his tongue out at people, I also told you, humbled us.)
But that moment showed me a lot. Literally, no matter the circumstances, you’re going to be judged as a parent. Including by other parents. So my best advice on handling the criticism and judgement…
FUCK ‘EM.
Let people judge how you choose to parent your children. Let them. Because even despite being a parent themselves, they will never know what it’s like to be YOU parenting YOUR child. Every last individual on this planet, including children, is uniquely different. You are the only person that knows how to parent your child best. Even the experts give generalized information!
If you have family and friends judging your parenting that hard, I’d strongly suggest creating tighter boundaries and/or distance. And strangers, Dear Lordy, I’m not even giving that topic the time of day. You will never see those people again a day in your life.
I think we forget how self-centered of beings humans instinctually are. Sure, people care about these things in the moment. People judge you when it’s happening in front of their eyes. But as their day carries on, they have forgotten all about you and your child throwing a fit in the middle of the Target aisle. I promise you, they have moved on with their day and so should you.
Truly, fuck ’em.
View comments
+ Leave a comment