Dear Diary: My Momentary Reality of Raising Four Littles

I’ve decided to give you all a glimpse into my diary, aka my inner thoughts, once a week, maybe twice a week, maybe whenever the fuck I feel like it, okay?

So here it is, Dear Diary…

Taking care of four children is HARD most days. I love them to death and never thought this would be easy, but there are definitely things I did not expect. I’m not complaining because I would choose this life over and over again, a million and one times. But there is a lot about this “motherhood life” that just slapped me in the face.

I didn’t expect to make so many meals in one day that it leaves me drained and uninterested in feeding myself. I’m talking I’m nursing, snack-opening, and meal making every 20 minutes- at least it sure feels that way. So when I finally have a moment to eat myself, I don’t want to. I don’t want to make more food. So I resort to junk eating and I’m not proud of it.

I didn’t expect to hear so much yelling and fighting. I thought siblings are supposed to get along better. Not wake up and immediately start the second they make eye contact. What the hell is this!😂 I also thought this was an older sibling issue, not one that happens so young. Maybe it gets better? Someone help me out here.

I never imagined I would love my work as much as I do. But I also never imagined having so much work to do. Choosing between working and my children leaves me guilt ridden most days. I feel like I’m not present with them enough. I feel like I’m missing it all and in the blink of an eye it’s passed me by. I feel like a crummy Mom half the time.

The attitudes. HOLY SHIT. The attitudes. The talking back. The not listening. They test my patience on every level. I go from screaming my head off to reminding myself that they’re young. They’re still so, so young and emotionally unregulated. And so the hell am I. It’s like one day, every trick and idea I have works, and the next day, they’re all “fuck off, Mom.” And I know, I’m “their safe space, blah blah blah.” But this shit is still HARD.

I live in a household of miniature people who don’t listen to a word that leaves my mouth. I hear talking and sounds every second of the day. When it is quiet, it isn’t quiet long enough for me to decompress. I feel overstimulated 85% of the day. With a 4 to 1 ratio, somebody needs something ALL THE TIME (when we are 4 to 2 or 2 to 1 for you math gurus, things feel a little bit easier!).

We’re in a season that is tough right now. Rewarding and everything we dreamed of and asked for. But tough. And I know my parents out there can relate so much. We’re in this together y’all. Stay strong. We will make this out alive.😂