I am currently living in full denial that I am in the final trimester of what is (98% likely) our last baby. This trimester crept up on me like none other- easily the quickest pregnancy by far.
How the Hell Did We Get Here?
A little backstory for those of you new around here. When Phil and I first discussed kids while dating, four (or five) kids was our dream. That was what we had always planned for. We had our first, our second, and our third with building our dream team in mind. We were knocking ’em out of the park, HA!
After our third turned one, Phil asked when our fourth was coming. But somewhere in that time, I wasn’t finding myself ready to add another to the pack as quickly as I was in the past.
I wanted to wait a bit longer. Knowing that it could potentially be our last pregnancy, I wanted to savor it. I wanted to hold onto this chapter of our lives just a bit longer. So, we waited.
Our youngest rounded 1.5 years old and Phil (without any pressure might I add) asked again. At this point, I still wasn’t ready! Business had started to fully take off for me. For the first time in six years, I wasn’t pregnant or nursing a baby. I was feeling like my body was my own again and I was feeling like me. I felt good. I was finding and falling in love with myself outside of being a mom.
On top of that, I was overwhelmed juggling it all: three kids, a household, full-time job, business of my own- I truly couldn’t even envision adding another child to our crew at the time. Many times I felt that we were done, I was growing content with what we had already been blessed with.
Our youngest then turned two and I still wasn’t fully convinced to add another, but I suddenly wasn’t fully against the idea. With my full-time job having a promised end date (hello submitted resignation paperwork!), I felt like maybe that was the time, maybe we could handle one more. But if I’m being brutally honest, knowing that I was about to commit even more time to my business and personal growth, I knew if I didn’t do it now, I likely wouldn’t ever. And would I regret it later in life if we didn’t?
The morning of my birthday, we found out we were expecting our last baby and we could not have been more ecstatic.
Embracing the Third Trimester
And now here we are, in our final trimester, with our final babe, preparing to close this chapter of our lives. I’m in denial, for sure. I wanted to savor this moment and it has flown by quicker than any of my other pregnancies by far (of course, it has! Nature knew.) I’m embracing this final trimester as a blessing. I’m taking as many photos as I can and involving the kids in it all.
But I’m certainly feeling a mixture of emotions. This chapter is about to close for us. There’s so much about it that I want to bottle up and have with me the rest of my life:
The nervous excitement heading to the hospital.
The intimate moments in the hospital where it’s just the two of you and your new sweet, hours old baby.
The newborn smell and snuggles. Dear Heavens, there is nothing in this world like that.
Watching all of the sweet milestones happen: crawling, talking, walking, clapping…
The soft, gummy smiles of an infant.
There’s just so much, I could go on and on…
Are We Done, Done?
Even with all of those mixed emotions, I’m looking forward to our next chapter. And there were moments in time I never thought I’d say that. I went around asking everyone after our first, “how did you know when you were done? I’ll never be done. I’ll pop out 27 of these things.” I was obsessed with everything baby and being a new Mom! But, low and behold, nearly seven years later, I’m ready. Everyone who said, “you’ll know when you’re done,” were exactly right.
I’m looking forward to getting time back for myself.
Looking forward to having more time for us and our marriage, not fighting conversations through constant chaos.
I can’t wait to watch our kids flourish into their independence and figure out who they are as individuals.
I’m looking forward to not having to take such demanding care of little humans (goodbye ass wiping!) every single day.
I’m looking forward to more freedom throughout our weeks- goodbye pumping and nursing, goodbye bedtime routines, goodbye to tight schedules and sleep “training”.
I’m looking for to SLEEP! Oh. My. Goddddddd. The sleep.
I’m fully aware and embracing that the kids will still be very dependent and demanding of us (until minimum 31- because I still call my Mom for everything). But I am looking forward to the change in those demands. I’m looking forward to us living with four other humans that have thoughts, feelings, opinions, voices, and experiences that we’re wanting to share with one another.
I didn’t think I’d ever feel ready and excited to move on from the baby chapter (hello, meet your newest 23 and counting family) and into the raising young children/adolescents’ chapter, but I’m ready!
Now empty nesters, that I will never be able to envision. Don’t even talk about it. I cry at the thought alone.
Mama’s already in that next chapter, tell me! What’s been the best part thus far? Give me something exciting to look forward to!
