We’ve all heard it. We’ve all given it. But let’s cut straight to the point, unsolicited advice absolutely sucks, so save it.
I feel like the second I stepped into Motherhood I was flooded with unsolicited advice (which if you know me, it only makes me not do it even more– I am stubborn). But in the same token, I was outpouring unsolicited advice to my new Mom friends + family (I apologize y’all- feel free to look at me sideways for that one). It’s like Motherhood breeds it. As if Mom’s need any more pressure to be doing things ‘perfect’ and ‘right’ anymore than they already do.
Plenty of times, it comes from a genuine, good place. I can understand that. But other times, you can tell the advice is simply rooted in negative energy (and ain’t nobody got time for that!). Twice this week I experienced being given a dose of “advice” and I cannot begin to tell you how much it triggered all of my emotions.
Now before I share the tea (because I KNOW y’all want to know what I was told), I do want to share this. After spending nearly three years in weekly therapy, I have learned A LOT about myself. And my biggest trigger is feeling belittled- and there ain’t no better way to stir up that feeling than again, giving someone some unsolicited advice.
What makes anyone think someone NEEDS their advice?
What makes the advice giver the expert TO give the advice?
What makes someone feel entitled enough to give advice without being asked for it?
Do you even know the person you are giving advice to? Like REALLY know them and their story?
Was the person looking for advice or just a listening ear?
All of these things and then some.
So twice this week, once while purchasing paint and once in my DM’s- I was given some unsolicited advice.
The genuine advice I received this week: “I assume you aren’t the one doing the painting, you have a little one in there.” In fact kind sir, I sure am. “Well…please make sure you have a LOT of ventilation.” Actually, I was planning to sniff the paint can aromas.
I was in the middle of gutting and rehabbing our entire home while pregnant with our second. Yes, I used proper ventilation and masking when being around anything hazardous. However, my doctor, the actual professional on the situation, cleared me to do all the things. Including painting (with paint that is no longer lead based might I add- not since 1978). So thank you Sir, but no thank you.
Here’s my issue on this one: I’m a fourth time pregnant Mom. So none of his advice offended or worried me. I know it was rooted with good intention and I’ve done my due diligence in ensuring myself and the baby are very safe. However, I could only imagine a first time Mom, excited to paint their baby’s nursery, picking out the color, and then they’re met with that judgement. Although the intentions came from all the right places, don’t be the reason an exciting moment is ruined for someone.
The NOT SO genuine advice I received this week: After responding to a post, and giving advice on my marketing tactics, “If you did it this way, you’d come off better to your clients. Just here to help everyone level up.” Ma’am, have we met? We have not. So how on Earth would we know each other well enough for you to assess how much ‘leveling up’ I have to do or the relationship I have with my clients?
Here’s my issue on this one: The beauty in entrepreneurship is building a business that is genuine to you and serving your clientele in the way you feel is best. I do not overly share my successes or everything about my business’ backend on social media. But I can tell you this much- I never expected to be where I am today and I am VERY happy with my success, much of it unpredicted and more than I could have imagined. So having never met someone, knowing nothing about their business, their success, their weaknesses, their goals, and then chiming in without being asked to give ‘advice’ on how one can ‘level up’, is NOT IT.
I am all about watching others rise and cheering them on! I love nothing more than witnessing someone I know (or don’t know plenty of times!) rise to the next level. Figure out the piece they’ve been missing. Adjust their methods to take things top notch. Finally achieve a goal they’ve been reaching for. I LIVE FOR THAT.
And never once do I feel the need to chime in on someone’s journey through entrepreneurship and tell them how to get there (not unless they ask for the advice, of course!). Because no two journeys are the same. What works for me, may not work for you. What feels genuine to me, may not feel the same to you. My take, if you are busy focusing on what everyone else around you is doing, worrying about correcting them, pointing out their mistakes, your focus is on the wrong thing. If you ever feel you are an expert, expert enough to give unsolicited advice, you’re only stunting your own growth.
So while this one hit my trigger good, I’ve refocused my thoughts on counting my blessings, counting my successes, and counting all the goals I have yet to achieve (but they’re coming, don’t you worry!).
So moral of this long thought out journal entry this morning, and if you’ve made it this far, unsolicited advice sucks ass. So let’s stop giving it already why don’t we? Be okay with others around you failing- it’s how we learn best. And also, be okay with giving advice- but only when you’re asked.
Tell me the worst piece of unsolicited advice you’ve received, because I know y’all have been with me on this one!
